Greetings, Minions of the Rabid Toy Cult!
First off, I'd like to congratulate Paul the Watcher, for winning the Universe of Violence Contest (sort of: Paul, you've got to join the blog for it to count! Sign up by midnight, and you're good! Same goes for the runner-up Charles Toys Nut... Get signed up, and get me your addresses, and I will get toys in the mail to you... Deal?)
Now, for the main order of business!
The Gorewad Monsters Insult Contest: Part 2 Electric Bugaloo!
Ground Rules:
1. No slurs or epitaphs, at all. They aren't necessary for a good insult, and I just don't like them.
2. No repeating insults. If you can bother to read the insults that came before you, I can't be bothered to send you free toys. <3
3. Swearing doesn't make a bad insult good. Swearing is allowed, but creativity is the key! Which brings me to...
4. Don't just copy old insults off of the interwebz. If I can google your insult, I'm just going to ignore it.
This contest is open to anybody. Everybody. Blog members and anybody else. Contest ends, whenever I randomly decide on July 27th. Bring the hurt, minions! Bring it strong!
-R
That crying in the home video of your birth isn’t you, it’s your parents.
ReplyDeleteYou were so ugly as a kid, the neighborhood pedophile got a speeding ticket trying to get away from you.
You grew up to be such an asshole, you have a proctologist for your general physician.
I’ve never had a chance to talk to your mom, but only because I don’t carry that many $1 bills.
When you called 911 for a house fire, the firemen rushed over to push you back in.
The best thing about your face is that it’s not as ugly as your mom’s vagina.
The last time you were at the State Fair, everyone thought the prize pig had gotten out.
You finally saved up enough money to pay a hooker, but your mom said she doesn’t take coin rolls.
I’d make a joke about your picture in the dictionary, but I don’t have time to explain what a dictionary is to you.
That's funny, because the only reason you know that the pedophile got a speeding ticket trying to get away, is because the pedophile was YOU. You've never had a chance to speak to my mom, because form what I hear, you don't speak to anybody that is post-pubescent.
ReplyDeleteAnd why don't you carry that many $1 bills? Were you too stupid to pick them up off of the floor, at your day job? And no, I am not accusing you of being a stripper.,.. No, no, I don't think they'd ever think to put a sarlacc in a bikini... No, Your day job, of mopping the baby oil off of the strip club floor.
Oh, and I heard that you may want to get an attorney to represent you, as Quasimodo plans to sue your for gimmick-infringement, and theft of intellectual property. I guess you're going to have to stop speaking entirely in vowels.
you were walking in the desert and came across a lamp a genie popped out and granted you three wishes you wished to be white, uptight, and out of sight so he turned you into a tampon
ReplyDeleteI thought this was an insult contest?? Not a list or bad joke contest.... Maybe you should use pictures to spell out the rules?
ReplyDeleteLooks like we were both mistaken, I thought it was an insult contest, too, not a complaints section. Maybe you should go back to sucking on your mom's tit if you're still into whining that much.
DeleteEric Nilla... is that you???
DeleteJust because it's talking about tits doesn't mean it's Eric.
DeleteAnd, this is an insult contest, Anna... Not a "Annie Stiffler works out her kinks on somebody else's blog" contest.
I just thought it might be Eric. Don't really know what he looks like....
ReplyDeleteother than a bitch.
oh wow, giving away another one of your customs, might as well try and win one as i sure as hell wouldnt be buying one HAHA,
ReplyDeletemaybe if i could sell my mom for $5 then i could, but hell, she would be lucky to get gangbanged for free by a bunch of inmates at guantanamo bay, and thats saying something :-/
I heard you were into "Fitness"...Fitness in your mouth!
ReplyDeleteIt's an insult contest, not a shit-ass pun contest, you jive-ass motherfucker.
DeleteI bought you a pair of Flip Flops and a Dildo...If you don't like the Flip Flops you can go Fuck yourself!
ReplyDeleteOh excuse me Sir,but your balls are showing....Oh wait that's your face!
DeleteThat can't be my face... Because MY face is buried in your woman's vagoo.
DeleteYou, and your extra chromasome, are fucking up the scenery. I know they tell you that "Life Goes On", but all that means is "Get back on your green bench, retard."
You would be more successful as a stillbirth.
You are Excrement made from My Dick Cheese that fell from you moms ass and into her Meat Curtains. After 9 months she had to take a big shit and gave birth to you!
DeleteIf your dick cheese produces feces, then you have bigger problems than the back child support, you deadbeat, lowlife, fuck-brained, pigeon chested tosser.
DeleteBut that doesn't surprise me, considering that even the fucking plague rats, and ebola carrying monkeys consider you a bottom feeder, you piece of shit.
If I wanted my cum back,I would wipe it off your moms chin! ;)
DeleteYou still shoot blanks, you goof. The only thing your seed is running down, is the side of your leg.
DeleteGeeze Iron.... I think you're going to win your own contest! Otherwise reading through these attempts at insults is a lot like eating a handful of thumbtacks....
ReplyDeleteAlright maybe more like the next day.
All of you fuckers are special and unique, and by that I should clarify, you all bring new meanings to what is it to truly suck on all levels. Jimmy, your baby photos are the most effective form of abstinence ever since Larry King stopped skull-fucking a rusty pipe in front of middle school kids.
ReplyDeleteBut for the rest of you all...You all are less effective and spew more shit than a diarrhea landfill. In fact, the comments on this page constitute such a natural disaster, it makes the Japanese citizens of Fukushima swell with pride.
Dying children in Uganda look at this page and think, "Wow, at least I don't suck that much at insulting sapless fucks within my own tribe" and then they die starving, but at least they die happy. You assholes don't deserve such welcome. In fact, even if you spent the rest of your lives saving people and curing disease, God would still cast you all into hell for the shit-tastic insults you've come up with so far.
Everybody here sucks and I hate you all. Including myself. Now go fuck yourselves.
Tom, I hate to ask a contest participant to mind their syntax, but photographs cannot be a form of abstinence... Nouns versus verbs, you half-witted, bird-skulled, survived abortion.
DeleteTrust me Jimmy, your photographs inspire great change in others. And by change, I mean their dicks fall off. I may have dodged the coat hangar but at least I wasn't a stillborn miracle like you.
DeleteWow, going to the "Stillbirth" jokes? Way to read the rest of the posts, you fucking debutante. I made that joke, yesterday.
DeleteSpeaking of yesterday, how was the train you let run on you, by that troop of gorillas, at the zoo? I see you're still able to use your fingers to type, so I am guessing that you got used to it.
Stillbirths are good mining material. I have no regrets.
DeleteAnd about this zoo thing...wtf are you talking about? You might want to get your eyes checked. I know you think getting a facial from farm animals makes you a legitimate pornstar, but man that lifestyle is really starting to catch up with ya.
I'm talking about you getting analed by large primates. I don't need to get my eyes checked... After witnessing that, I should probably have them removed.
DeleteAnd, I know that facials from farm animals make you a legit pornstar... Otherwise, you would never be able to pay your rent, you JV dweeb.
Your mouth is a sperm waterfall,that get's replenished by your Boyfriends cock!
ReplyDeleteYour Bitch Tits when squeezed, spew the milk of your feminine proof of being a Transgender that fucks them self to sleep every night!
I might as well open a Sperm bank...for every time you Belch.
Let's keep it real: When you talk about opening a Sperm Bank, you're actually talking about gaping your own asshole.
DeleteKeep wanting to jump in but it's like competing in the Special Olympics while all the other competitors have a horrible case of the flu.
ReplyDeleteI believe you, that you see a group of retards fumbling about, and you feel the natural urge to join in.
DeleteThe first step, is getting past denial.
Super_Sandbagger, I don't even know how to reply to such infantile levels of stupidity.
ReplyDeleteLets discuss this hypothetically. If my mouth is a 'sperm waterfall' (points for imagination) that gets replenished by my 'boyfriend's cock', then obviously the sperm is flowing outside. And if we want to be specific, in this case it's flowing onto your mother. No worries however; she tells me she prefers it to her nightly golden showers, so in this case consider it an improvement. Hypothetically speaking, of course.
Your second statement is what happens when you tell a morbidly obese walrus with downs syndrome to throw offensive words at a chalkboard with his flippers and see what sticks. It doesn't matter that you actually formed a coherent sentence; you're still a mentally retarded walrus who shits himself daily and has to be force fed kelp because otherwise he'd die.
And in case you never took an anatomy class before, sperm banks generally operate using the other end of a human being. God you're terrible at business. That sperm bank would go broke faster than Oprah Winfrey in a dual liposuction clinic/all-you-can-eat buffet. But it's okay; we all have to start somewhere. So take the markers out your nose and get to writing; we have contracts to make.
Tom, I understand that you are frustrated with Sandbagger's insipid attempt at hurling insults, but you have to understand that not everybody here is sensitive to the fact that your day job is that of a sperm bank facilitator.
DeleteI know they don't have a clear grasp of all of the daily sacrifices that you make on a daily basis, handling all of those dicks.
Keep on shaking those tubular steaks, my friend. You are an unsung hero.
Me? I'm just a equal-opportunist entrepreneur. I balance the accounts but I don't handle dicks; we contract that work out to your family. Don't blame me...they all said they needed the work, and handling dicks happened to be right up their (dimly-lit) alley.
DeleteSeriously, it's impressive. It's like you guys have a family trade in that shit. At the very least you have something to fall back on if worst comes to worst.
Please, homie, you don't have the money to contract a wet shit.
DeleteAnd, the only "we" you can lay claim to, are the gang of dicks that you are smuggling with your sphincter, you shovel-toothed jabroni.
You're so wrecked you only get satisfaction being fisted by a gorilla....
ReplyDelete.....which also explains why you still live with yer mom.
I don't have a mother. My dad and I share yours.
DeleteTrying to figure out if you mean that you and your dad come from the same mother or if you guys share intimate moments... either way it explains a lot.
ReplyDeleteSure.... Like, where YOU came from. Or, at least two of the possibilities. Like fingercuffs, your mother.
Delete