Monday, June 25, 2012

Gorewad Monsters: The Contest!

Alright gang, the gimmick is simple: I'm posing a challenge, and the winner gets one pack of Gorewads shipped to their front door, completely on my dime. Each Gorewad Monsters pack includes all three sculpts, with each sculpt's color being randomly selected. Also, as an added bonus, I will add a free insult/autograph on the header card, to make the Gorewad experience complete.

The Heist: Insult Contest.

I want to lay a few ground rules, because I don't want this to degenerate into some half-witted, ephitet swapping contest.
Rule #1: No slurs. None. Not race, ethnicity, creed, sexual orientation... Be more creative than that bullshit. Otherwise, you're going to get called out on being a sperm-bank reject, and you're definitely not going to win the contest.

Rule #2: No repeating insults. If somebody posts an insult, and you post one that is too similar, I'm going to ignore it, as well as anything else you have to say.

Rule #3: Swearing a ton doesn't necessarily make for the best insults. It's not banned, but if you spend more time dropping Eff Bombs than actually insulting the rest of the folks on here, then you're missing the point of the exercise.

Rule #4: Fuck you. (See what I did there?)

Anyways, post your insults in the comment section on this blog-post. Any insults posted on other posts, don't count. There is no limit to how many insults you can post, and you may absolutely feel free to turn on each other.

I'll pick my favorite on Friday, and we'll go from there.

Make me proud, minions of the rabid toy cult.

-R

83 comments:

  1. You know what your mouth and your asshole have in common? They both stink and nobody wants to hear from them.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This, coming from the only guy on the planet, that owes the neighborhood dog Child Support.

      Delete
  3. Your father was a nipply loincloth chomping troll who is the child of the the moldy sock devouring nincompoop and the desperate blockhead.

    ReplyDelete
  4. the best part of you ran down your momma's leg!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's weird, because the next best part of me, is running down YOUR mother's leg, right now.

      Delete
  5. One last reminder: You guys have to join, for your burns to count!
    -R

    ReplyDelete
  6. your momma is such a slut, if she had as many dicks sticking out of her, as she's had stuck in her, she'd look like a porcupine.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Is the quoting of insults allowed? If so I'd like to submit the gem best experienced in this clip:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qzRSU2NWmE

    ReplyDelete
  8. You COULD be lazy, and reference a Youtube clip, and you COULD also pull your bottom lip over your face, and suck as hard as you can.
    <3

    ReplyDelete
  9. your momma is so generous... she would give you the hair off her back...

    ReplyDelete
  10. save your breath insulting me...

    you'll need it to blow up your date...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hey pal, I don't know what you're going to do for a face when Jabba the Hutt wants his ass back. It's like someone scalped a Klingon.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This, coming from a guy who's mouth looks like it's full of broken Fritos.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Replies
    1. god damn you Great Cthulu!! I spent like a hr trying to figure out a non racisit one! (not racist but they tent to be the funniest haha)

      Delete
    2. well i am only using insults in my memory and not looking them up! :) for that alone i should win this contest!

      (no offense intended)

      Delete
  15. I would have been your daddy, but a dog beat me over the fence.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The dog wouldn't have beaten you over the fence, if you weren't fatter than Momma Cass, after cannibalizing the Midnight Express.

      Delete
  16. i could have been your daddy but the line was too long!

    ReplyDelete
  17. You sniff your armpits for fun, you cross-dressing stringy bile who scares the sick minded toilet licker and the airheaded Rush Limbaugh wannabe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What? That is a bunch of nonsense.
      If you were any smarter, you would be a shoe.

      Delete
    2. Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent

      Delete
  18. Your mom still owes my dog fuck money

    ReplyDelete
  19. You yella bellied pig fucker, you aint worth your weight in cow shit!

    ReplyDelete
  20. I'd call you a cunt but you lack the warmth and depth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, you WOULD be the authority on all things Cunty. I'll take your word for it.

      Delete
  21. The only reason your mother wears panties is to keep her ankles warm.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The only reason that you posted this insult, is because you found it on the internet, you hack.

      Delete
  22. Are you talking about your diet, or your complexion?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. diet ofc, nothing better then when u got the ones that get the green scab crust on it so you can pick it off and get the juicy middle!

      Delete
    2. If I stepped in a pile of dog shit, I would find a spigot and wash my shoe off. If I stepped in a pile of YOU, I'd throw the fucking shoe away.

      Delete
    3. I went to a library and asked for a book on suicide.

      The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back." :(

      Delete
  23. your teeth are so yellow, you spit butter!
    your teeth are so yellow, when you smile traffic slows down!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And your teeth, sir, are like Jimmy Hoffa. Nobody knows where the fuck they are.

      Delete
  24. I'd call you an asshole, but the shit that comes out of you isn't even worthy of the toilet bowl.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I'd tell you to go jump off a skyscraper and eat cement, but the cement would probably back the hell away when it saw your face coming.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've heard that you experience a similar phenomenon, when you approach women.

      Delete
    2. What a great tragedy to the world that your father didn't have that effect on your mother.

      Delete
    3. That may be, but at least my father has been identified, you greasy bastard.

      Delete
    4. Chances are your father is a raving butt kissing disease who bows down to the squealing fleck of llama spit and the anatomically incorrect lunatic.

      Delete
    5. Chances are, YOUR father is the Lindbergh baby.

      Delete
    6. Any greasiness of mine is not nearly as greasy as the pus oozing from your countless body blisters, ya smarmy assmaggot.

      Delete
    7. It's a shame that I can't throw tomatoes at you, over the internet.

      Delete
  26. I was going to dress up like you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The fact that you tried says a lot.

      Delete
    2. You're just mad, that he turned you down, in his failing effort.

      Delete
  27. What does the Pope and McDonald's have in common?
    They both stick meat in ten year old buns.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Your mama's such a lardass, when she walks into the Steak 'n Shake, it actually does shake

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How many times do I have to flush to get rid of you?

      Delete
    2. I don't know, but I bet you're used to flushing a lot with the constant steam of diarrhea you spew.

      Delete
    3. If shit took a look at you it would say hi mom.

      Delete
    4. If I had a dog, that looked like either of you, I would shoot it in the stomach, and watch it bleed to death.

      Delete
    5. If I had to endure being in the same room with you, trust me, you'd be doing me a favor.

      Delete
    6. Let's be real, though, if you and I were in the same room, your odor would erode my lungs LONG before I could even reach for a gun.

      Delete
  29. Oh, I'm sorry, it took me a minute to recognize this as Jimmy's blog. I thought it was a blog for home depot, what with all the tools commenting and all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't the presence of a tool or two typically your cue to bend over?

      Delete
    2. Not everybody responds to seeing dicks, the way you do. Learn tolerance, you human fingercuff.

      Delete
  30. man your a tight arse, your asshole is so tight, when you fart only the dogs hear it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's better than your ass being loose enough to smuggle a Buick through airport security.

      Delete
  31. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  32. you're so fat, you jumped into the air...

    and got stuck!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That joke died in 1990, you know, the year you dropped out of school.

      Delete
  33. what do you get when you and 31 one of your clones are in a room?

    a full set of teeth!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What would we get, if we put YOU and 31 of YOUR clones in a room?

      Incest.

      Delete
    2. Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

      Delete
    3. ^^^Somebody wasn't paying attnetion to the rest of the posts^^^

      Delete
  34. you're so fat, the back of your neck looks like a package of hot dogs!

    you're so fat, you have your own zip code!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your jokes are so old, they fart salt.

      Delete
    2. Last time I heard that I was laughing so hard, I fell off my dinosaur

      Delete
  35. you are so old, you beta tested dirt!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whack talk, from a closeted Juggalo.

      Delete
    2. If you have a problem then tell my ass cause it's the only one who gives a shit.

      Delete
  36. Hey, your figures remind me a lot of the OMFG pumpkin.

    (Had to. Just had to.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're just mad 'cause your mom has a bigger dick than you.

      Delete
  37. you're so desperate, you haven't had a girlfriend who's name didn't end with .jpg...

    >:) evil cthulu (;,,;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your mom is like a vacuum she sucks, blows and get laid in the closet

      Delete