Friday, June 29, 2012

Gorewad Monsters Insult Contest: The Winners

So, after a week of watching people tirelessly scour Google for the best insults that they could plagiarize (HA! #Trollhard), I have picked my winners. Based on criteria ranging from originality to just how much I liked them, selecting winners was difficult in some places... And easy in others.
I'll be running another contest in July, so start coming up with material!

Runners up:
Let's hear it for Great Cthulu, for his sheer mass of middle school lunchroom insultation. It was almost as if he had a first edition of SNAPS! by James Percelay sitting in front of him. Still, I admire his dedication and diligence, in regurgitating jokes that he heard during puberty, 40 years ago (#stilltrolling).
Next up, I want to give it up to Little Weirdos, for truly catching me off guard with his Pumpkin insult. Well done, you anthropomorphic Blue-Vein-Throbber.

First place prize, goes to the only insult that Google didn't cross reference me to, by Daniel Clein. For being the most original, and the most hilariouslyslack-jawed, you have scored yourself a full set of Gorewad Monsters, and of course, I will be sure to include a personal insult on the header card, special from me to you.

If the winners could email me their addresses, I'll get those to post on Monday.

I want to thank everybody for participating, well, everbody except for RJ. (#cantstoptrolling)

Gotta go kids...

It's been fun though, right?



  1. And just now our internet starts working again. Don't bitch at me for missing out, I don't control the internet. Was hoping I'd make this in time, but fuck your deadlines, here's some for free to commemorate. Enjoy yourself.

    - Jimmy, last time we met you said my teeth looked like fingernails. Well, I just talked to my dentist. Bad news buddy: I'm gonna have to stop eating out your mother.
    - While we're on the subject of oral health, I wanted to give you a heads up, don't ever ask me to suck your dick. It's rude, and I already floss daily.
    - You're ugly and haven't gotten laid in years. And won't get laid again. Now stop crying and pick the termites out of your vagina...we're having polite company over.

  2. Tom, that was perfect.
    You are still a slack jawed goofdick, with a head shaped like John Merrick's scrotum... But, I want to give you a free figure. Let me know what sculpt you like the best, you dirty, fuck-mouthed, survived abortion, and I will get a copy to you.